the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
