if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
