My Higher Power is John Stamos
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
