i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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