So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
