there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
