I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
