I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
