Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
