SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize