I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Can I color on your dick again?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
