Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
