I want to have your abortion
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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