Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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