I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
