my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
