He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
