she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Quick, to the slutcave!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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