I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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