Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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