Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
