So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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