return my video game
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
