I wish I could punch you in the face.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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