exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
