I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
