my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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