I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
