Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
