Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize