so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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