no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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