i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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