He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
