Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
