yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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