Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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