Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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