theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
