Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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