WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
