I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
