Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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