I wish you could order shots online.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
