i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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