She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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