Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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