I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
