Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
