We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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