Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
