i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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