she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
