If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
