This girl is more easily done than said...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
