Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
