i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize