The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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