I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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