Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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