I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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