At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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