dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
