WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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