he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
