This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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