first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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