when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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