So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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