This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
