turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
