brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
