I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
