Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
